The Stages of Grief When Losing a Pet (And What to Expect)

If you’ve lost a pet, you may be wondering:

• “What stage of grief am I in?”
• “Why do my feelings keep changing?”

You may have heard of the stages of grief, first outlined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross —but when it comes to losing a pet, the experience is often more complex than a simple sequence.

Grief doesn’t move in a straight line. And there is no “right” way to go through it.

Still, understanding the common stages of pet loss grief can help you make sense of what you’re feeling.

What Are the Stages of Grief?

The stages of grief are often described as:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

These stages were originally developed to describe emotional responses to loss—but they are not a fixed path.

Most people don’t move through them in order. You may experience several at once—or return to certain feelings over time.

This is especially true with pet loss grief, which can be deeply personal and often misunderstood.

How the Stages of Grief Show Up After Losing a Pet

While everyone’s experience is different, here’s how these stages often appear in pet loss.

1. Shock and Denial

In the early days, the loss may not feel fully real. You might notice:

• Expecting to see your pet in familiar places
• Feeling numb or disconnected
• Thinking “this can’t be happening”

This is your mind’s way of protecting you from being overwhelmed.

2. Guilt and Bargaining

This stage is especially common with pet loss. You may find yourself thinking:

• “If only I had done something differently…”
• “What if I had caught it sooner?”
• “Did I make the right decision?”

Because pet owners are often involved in care decisions (including euthanasia), this stage can feel particularly intense.

More about why guilt is particularly overwhelming during pet loss »

3. Anger

Anger can be directed in many ways:

• At yourself
• At a veterinarian
• At circumstances
• Even at the situation as a whole

Sometimes anger is easier to feel than sadness—it can be part of how grief protects you.

4. Sadness or Depression

This is often the stage people most associate with grief. You may experience:

• Deep sadness
• Low energy or motivation
• Loneliness
• Difficulty enjoying things

For many people, this stage comes in waves rather than staying constant.

5. Acceptance (and Integration)

Acceptance doesn’t mean “being okay” with the loss. It means:

• Beginning to adjust to life without your pet
• Holding both love and sadness at the same time
• Finding ways to stay connected to their memory

Over time, the grief may soften—but the relationship still matters.

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” ~Jack Lemmon

Why the Stages Don’t Always Feel Accurate

Many people feel confused because their grief doesn’t follow a clear order. You might:

• Move back and forth between emotions
• Feel multiple “stages” in one day
• Revisit intense grief months later

This is normal.

Grief is not a checklist—it’s a normal human process of adjusting to a meaningful loss.

The Added Complexity of Pet Loss Grief

Pet loss often includes layers that make the stages feel more intense or unpredictable:

• Disenfranchised grief (feeling like others don’t understand)
• Guilt around decision-making
• Loss of daily routine and companionship

Because of this, your experience may not look like what you expect grief to “look like.”

How to Support Yourself Through the Stages of Grief

Instead of trying to identify the “right” stage, it can be more helpful to focus on supporting yourself where you are.

1. Let your experience be fluid

You don’t need to fit your grief into a category.

2. Normalize changing emotions

It’s okay for your feelings to shift from moment to moment.

3. Be mindful of self-judgment

If you find yourself thinking “I should be further along,” gently challenge that.

4. Stay connected to your pet

Grief and connection can exist at the same time. But you don’t have to hold onto the sadness to remain connected. It’s okay to feel joy, too.

5. Seek support when needed

You don’t have to navigate this alone.

When Grief Feels Stuck

While grief doesn’t have a timeline, you may notice:

• Feeling stuck in guilt or sadness
• Constant rumination
• Difficulty functioning day-to-day

In these cases, additional support can help you move through the process in a more supported way.

Pet Loss Counseling (NY, NJ, PA)

Grief is an individual process and there is no “correct” way to grieve, so be patient with yourself and your process. But most of all, allow it. The only way out of grief is through it.

I offer virtual pet loss counseling for clients in New York, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania, where we can explore your grief in a way that feels supportive and individualized.

Together, we can:

• Make sense of your emotional experience
• Work through guilt or stuck feelings
• Support you in moving through grief at your own pace

Get in touch today »